i’ve been thinking a lot about expectations vs. the reality that happens. i haven’t said this yet, but in less than two weeks, i am losing my job. the job that i love more than any job i’ve ever had. i am being laid off.
this has gotten me thinking about my expectations in certain situations and how to deal with the reality that is not lining up with what i expected. right now, i’m struggling with this.
i keep thinking that there is something wrong with me as an employee and that’s why i’m getting laid off. but, in reality, i truly know that it is just because the shop is slow and my availability isn’t as flexible. my head knows this but my heart still hurts. part of me wants to lower my expectations in the future. not care about my job(s) so much. just go to work, do my job and come home. leave it there. don’t get attached or invested, but, i am the type of person who takes ownership of what i do. i put myself into it. i think this is one reason why i’m really good at what i do. it comes across to the customers and others i work with. and since i know this about myself, i know that no matter what, i can’t not care about my job(s).
so i guess i’m just putting this out there because i really don’t have any answers. i don’t have a solution. i have no idea how to reconcile my desire to stay at work with the reality of getting laid off. i wish there was a way for me to stay on at work. but, we’ve already cut down my hours and pay. the decision to lay me off is not 100%, but i just don’t know what is going to happen. it’s really up in the air still. in my mind, i’m preparing for the worst – not having a job. timing is bad because all the college kids are coming back and snatching up the part-time jobs. i’ve already applied for unemployment (please don’t judge) and i am speaking to a life coach. she has been the most helpful already. i have some ideas, but still not a clear path or direction.
this whole thing makes me think about one more thing: i can’t help but feel that if more people in my community supported local businesses, i wouldn’t be in this mess. i hear over and over again how our competition is “just more conveniently located” even though “you have way better service and selection.” so, am i being laid off for convenience sake? that seems a poor excuse to me. this isn’t L.A. it hardly takes more than 20 minutes to drive almost anywhere in this town.
i see first-hand how people’s buying choices affect locally-owned businesses. i’m losing the best job i’ve ever had because of it.
i will bounce back but it is going to be a stressful summer. we are not going to get to go on our planned vacations. i have tickets to a “bucket list” concert (that i bought before this all happened) that i don’t think we can attend now. and we are living with a much tighter budget; one that has no wiggle room, so god forbid something go wrong with a vehicle or someone gets sick or hurt. i’m not blaming anyone for what is happening. hey, shit happens. but i do want people to think about their decisions and the fact that something as simple as deciding where to buy your beer can make the difference in whether someone keeps their job.