parenthood can be ugly…

i love sleep. i need sleep.  sleep makes me a much better person.

i don’t think i’ve slept through the night in four years.

this is me on sleep:


nice huh?

and this is me without:


i look like robert smith and tim burton’s love child.

ever since i got pregnant with the boys, sleep has been at a premium in this house.  i was so uncomfortable at the end of my pregnancy, i barely slept and because of my complaining a sense of solidarity, neither did christopher.  then, when the boys arrived, those beautiful little bundles of joy–well, let’s just say i don’t think my kids have ever slept through the night and i then understood why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture.  i would have gladly told state secrets in exchange for an hour of sleep.  whoever coined the phrase “sleeping like a baby” clearly, did not have children.

christopher and I have always had an open door policy with our kids on our room and bed.  i know a lot of parents who co-sleep and i know all about the controversies on co-sleeping.  it works for us.  whatever works, right?  i tandem nursed the boys, so co-sleeping was never about ease of feedings with our boys, but about getting that one more minute of precious sleep.  it still is.  the boys are three now and they wind up in our bed almost every night.  sometimes one of them and sometimes both.  mostly jack.  when they first got their “big boy” twin beds, they stayed in their beds for about two nights until 5 AM and then it was right back in our bed at 2 AM.

we’ve talked about how big boys sleep in their own beds all night long. until the sun comes up. until the clock says 7. and so on and so forth.  but one of them still winds up lying next to me between the hours of 2 and 6 AM, kicking, tossing and turning, or picking his nose…loudly.

and you know what?  i wouldn’t trade it for the world!  i may look and function better with a full eight hours of sleep, and someday christopher and i will have our bed all to ourselves again.  but,  i love being a mom and i love that our boys want to and feel more comfortable sleeping with us.  it won’t last forever and i’m enjoying the closeness while i have it.


parenthood may be ugly sometimes, but it sure is beautiful.




One thought on “parenthood can be ugly…

  1. This is a wonderful post! I get so frustrated sometimes when my son crawls into bed with us…He finds is necessary to sleep directly atop my legs (doesn’t go near his dads side of the bed of course lol) So each morning I wake up either with a numb lower section or somehow wedged between my husband on one side of me and son sprawled out on the other!

    But you are so right, despite all of the ‘ugliness’ it is totally worth it!


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